So here I am again, only one day later & 4 days since I broke up with my last boyfriend & I have to say I'm feeling quite good lol, (except the school stuff haunting me while I was trying to sleep last night). This is probably my least painfull break up ever, even I'm surprised how smooth this is going. Probably because I pained enough in the relationship that it's all pretty numb now. Still I wish that guy to know how it feels to feel alone and then be told by your bf/gf that u're suffocating them, I really wish just that one to the person. Karma much? Well I won't wish anyone anything ill. Christmas came so early this year, to me it still feels like the last Christmas was only a month or two ago. And then when I think about how I wasted this year on being drunk, depressed, feeling lonely, being bitchy at my bf's...I feel really regretfull about this year. So sad how it passed. I never felt this bad about my life. So much hatred and sadness. Even yesterday I was thinking about how that guy didn't even make an attempt at saving our relationship, or at least regretting himself how awfully the relationship went and ended. But I guess it doesn't matter to me anymore. He shall go his way and personally...I think I deserve a loving boyfriend this year, after I have been throught so many unsuccesfull relationships. But I think this closes a chapter in my life. No more online or far relationships for me. I have been throught them both, one a bigger disaster than the other. I think I have drained all the possible optimism out of myself this year, and there is nothing more left. There for I hope in the year 2010, to please treat me better ^^ I have done a lot of awfull things in my life, I have been leaving my boyfriends for other boyfriends and breaking up relationships for every shallow reason, and karma has send me two long relationships. One with Ryan and second with Fan, both ending very sad. Both being very contradicting. Both of them hurting me a lot but both teaching me a lot about love. Love unconditionally, forgive as much as ur heart can bear, think about him more than you think about urself and hope for the best. Cry when ur sad, scream when ur angry and laugh when ur happy, or else you end like me. There goes my year full of regrets and I haven't done anything with it, I realise now but it's too late. Don't be sad without reasons only because you also have no reason to be happy. Always wish for the best because hope dies last.

Merry Christmas