Change of heart?

Morning blog.

I'm not actually quite sure I have much to write today, but I guess I should keep updating. Slowly it's comming upon me as well lol. It's funny how calm I was yesterday and how scared I am today. But how long more can we be together even if he doesn't tell her? A year? Can't I just return back to the previous year? I never had these kind of thoughts before. It's been all fun back then. I'm really considering not having him tell her...and enjoy that 1 year maybe. I don't, really don't want to break up. Now it's like in the movies lol, forbidden love not accepted by parents. Interesting? Not...Hmm...I guess I'll see when Fan wakes up. And poor Mr.Teddy gets carried everywhere with me...to work, to bed, to shopping.

I'm going through different phases. I actually never thought he has that kind of reasons for not telling her, when I wanted him to tell his mother. I wanted it for the sole purpose that it's more official when the parents know. I never thought it would be a reason to break up. I thought it would be a next step in the relationship but not leading to a break up.

If I have to choose between being official and breaking up, I think being together secretly is more appealing, but I guess the final choice if he want's to tell her, if I wouldn't force him to, is his. But this situation does come back to us sooner or later...I really don't know anymore.

I hate myself when I fake that I don't care. It's easier for the other person if they think you don't care about the outcome. I actually do really care. If I can I want to stay with him. It's scary that I can't really see how my life will be without him again, after 1 and half year. I don't want to break up sigh