Well hi again dear blog, I realised I've been deserting you for quite a while recently. Partly cause of there were things I didn't want to share with anyone but all in all I am doing quite fine. Wednesday I was out with my colleagues after work. We went to a place called the Flag Ship. Looked all really nice inside really like it would be a ship. :) Everyone had some sort of alcohol, mostly beer and since I don't like beer I had some harder stuff. Got a bit drunk, ok quite a bit drunk but pretty much sober by the time I went home around 11pm. Was really fun tho, got great colleagues at work. Thursday I think I went shopping quite a lot. From when I quit at work at 5pm till 8pm, going through shops and shops and bought few nice things. Like some skin care cosmetics from La Roche-Posay and a really cute Pucca shirt lol. Friday ... yesterday eh had work till 8pm, then went home for a while to change shoes since it just HAD to start raining when I quit at work. Didn't rain at all the whole day then when I'm about to go home it starts drizzling then it actually starts to goddamn rain. Then headed for Coffee&Co where I was supposed to meet Adam but then... as I was walking up on Obchodna street towards the Michael's Gate I met... no one else but Juan. God please tell me HOW on earth do I meet with that man on a friday night!? What a sick joke. I was succesfully avoiding that stalker. Don't really like to be around him that much... I can't decipher his intentions with me. He's married but he keeps giving me unnormal compliments and asking me out. First for lunch, then coffee then he wanted to go to a club with me so he can teach me how to dance? No way in hell am I going to a club with him. Ever. That's creepy. That guy is not weak or anything lol I don't desire to be molested in any way or abducted. And maybe it's just the way Venezulean people are, or Portugean...I don't even know what he is really. It's fun to be around him tho... ok maybe it's cause of the compliments. You don't get told...actually nevermind I won't write it out here what he said to me. In any case... as I met him he went with me all the way to coffee&co even tho he was originaly headed the other way. Then I somehow got stuck standing in front of Coffee&Co with him in pouring rain talking to him. He didn't seem so bothered and I didn't seem to realise it was raining. Was kind of looking for my escape I guess, but there was no smooth way out. I ended up promising him to go lunch with him on tuesday... Oh dear God. Why do I attract such weird guys. -_-'

That also reminds me in what weird situations I find myself with Michael and Thai lately.

Sitting in Michael's lap last sunday wasn't such an awesome idea, only cause he wanted to test if my dog is jealous...Nor him touching my leg or breasts just to make me stop pinching him. Zzzzz...He should learn to fucking behave himself, I'm single yes, it doesn't do anything to me if he randomly tries to touch, but his girlfriend wouldn't be too pleased at all. Especially since it's been only something over a week that he's been worrying if his girlfriend isn't pregnant. I really didn't manage to face him since that sunday, especially not really after the places he's been randomly touching.

And Thai... that's a story itself but Thai definitely can behave better. Even if he also can't seem to resist to be touching my legs, when I'm with him. And I still goddamn have to try to evade those kisses he tries to sneak upon me when I hug him good-bye.

Then this guy at work, Andrej Cehlarik...also a story itself, no one likes him cause hes dumb, lacks work moral and is always just slacking. He has a weird obsession with touching my legs and neck also. And for some reason I'm more worried about him touching my neck, since I remember him telling me that his ex-gf liked him to pretend suffocating her, when they had sex... Gives me the creeps omg... Go Go FAR away from my neck you jerk =.= And stop eyeing me, it's DISTURBING!

Then this married guy also can't seem to stop following me. Juan mentioned he's been seeying me around a lot. Funny thing is I never once remember seeying him watching me. He's good at hiding...Makes me imagine him lurking behind a corner getting ready to jump at me.

Also, I seem to be stalked by two of the fan-club members I stole from a different girl when I started working there. And the only normal guy at work, who I actually don't dislike. Seems to have to interest at all. Funny thing is hes slovakia, lived in England for a year and was to China as well...His accent reminds me of someone, somemore I have to get away when he starts talking english on the phone. Since when did I like english accent, no idea. I didn't but his voice is nice. Also this guy seem to have obsession with my perfume since he couldn't restrain from commenting on it the last time I was around. But yea hes decent, his voice is nice, his looks aren't bad but he's really not that interesting to me.

Also I've been talking to a few guys on this one Chat page, 2-3 of them that I got in contact seemed to be quite normal and with the same interests as me. But I think I'm done with meeting people over internet, considering I kinda forgot to log on for the past 5 days or so...

To be honest as much as I write here about all those guys I have stories with, I'm not really interested in anyone and anything, their attention just gives me the creeps. Don't want a relationship anymore. No time soon. Learned my lesson, I rather stay alone being fascinated with my anime and fanfiction than choosing the wrong partner again. Will never forget that fucking pain I was in those 2-3 weeks. I actually can't remember how long it's ago since he broke up. I stopped controlling it, I stopped contacting him, I stopped thinking about him, I stopped wanting to go home to talk to him. Finaly it's done. Althrough I still can't say I'm not melancholic and sad when I think about him. But I realised I'm more fine when I don't talk to him. If I would keep talking to him on a daily routine it would be just opening old wounds, that I had to painfully heal myself with lots of tears and blood. Those objects I use daily like the comb from him, the USB stick or Chanel perfume, don't do anything to me anymore. Got immune to the memories those objects bear and everything else that I'm not immune to yet is stored away safely from my eyes.

I don't know what to think through. I would like to think that I became stronger, but I also became more wounded and lonely. There is no simple answer. I just try to go back to who I was many years ago. To that overly optimistic girl obsessed with her anime. Who wasn't bothered with any guy or any friends. Back then I was alone but didn't feel lonely at all. Now that I am not alone I still do feel lonely. Maybe that's why out of all the animes I decided to go back to my Slayers era. It's been the last anime I liked before I got into audition and started meeting all my boyfriends. Where my life went wrong, I want to go back there and restore the person I was before. So far I think I'm doing good.

That's why I really like the lyrics of one of the Slayers ending songs.

'There is nothing that can save a heart that's been immersed in sadness. Trapped by your own self, soaked in shattered tears. I know you won't give up. You believe in the path you chose for yourself. But what will you do if, even for all your efforts, you come up against a pain you can't erase? I want to become stronger. So that I can take in your sadness at any time. I'm being questioned about something as simple as continuing to live. There's no answer to that. I just lift up my head and walk on.'

But I would change it to..."There is nothing that can save a heart that's been immersed in sadness. Trapped by my own self, soaked in shattered tears, I know I won't give up. I believe in the path I chose for myself. But what will I do if, even for all my efforts, I come up against a pain I can't erase? I want to become stronger. So that i can take in all of my sadness at any time. I'm questioning myself about something as simple as continuing to live. There's no answer to that. I just lift up my head and walk on.'

Bbye~