Also...there was something else I wanted to talk about. Hmm recently I realised Ryan has a new girlfriend. I never talked to him anymore since he started comming back to MSN like 2-3 weeks ago. And he also never wrote. Recently the statuses are getting really obvious. I also know that my second real life boyfriend has a girlfriend for over a year. It's funny watching my past lovers getting in new relationships. I was very bitter over my 2nd real life ex, but I'm really happy for Ryan. Althrough maybe a bit sad too, since I'm all alone. But I guess I'm slowly ok with being alone. I slowly wish to stay alone. Maybe just cause I'm still too scared to be hurt again heh... sad I know. But this scar was really a deep one. I guess it all ended. Everything ended the moment I kissed another guy and told myself that this is the end and gave up. Now there are only things left like changing this blog's adress. There isn't anybody close enough to me who deserves to know this much intimate knowledge about me. Guess will change it before the next time I decide to blog something. I should prolly delete Amy and Chung from Facebook too. And still need to go post to send some things away from my room. Like they say disappear from eyes disappear from the heart too. I don't need anybody who doesn't need me. I don't need anybody who doesn't need me. I repeat this sentence in my mind over and over again if I get weak for a moment. It always makes me sane again. I'm glad for this life that was given to me. Hardships and betrayal taught me more valuable lessons in life than school ever could. Well guess I go do something else now o.o'

Bbye blog~

Hi again~ ... This morning 6am my parents left and I went back to sleep till I had to wake up for work. Hmm... sort of lonely now. Only left with dog and cat. Althrough I asked parents to take the dog with them cause I dont have the time and energy to be going out with him and taking care of him, but now I'm glad they kept him here. I'm always scared when I'm alone at home ... That's why the last years if I was left alone at home I always had someone to stay with me... but this time I'm all alone. If something happens to me there isn't anyone to notice. I've always been paranoid. I'm always scared. I'm a scary cat... since the time someone broke in our house or I did something and my consciousness was bad. ._.' Hmm.... alone home till tuesday. What will I do all alone here... hmm