I now know why I don't like summer at summer and want summer when it's winter. This heavy weather makes my blood pressure go really low ... or really high? In any case I really hate when I feel like this. Reading a fanfic and not knowing what I read about as I pass the words, listening to music but not recognizing any melody even as the songs change. Then trying to locate some feelings but feeling nothing. Just empty space, I don't even realise myself. And I better not stand up from this chair or I just end up collapsing on bed and falling back asleep -.- And I wanted to continue writting today but hard to do when I can't concentrate on anything, not even on myself. Guess I go back to bed for a while and then somehow try to revive myself with liters of coffee so I become at least aware of myself. Like my world doesn't reach beyond where my body ends, can't concentrate on the outside the window either. And as much as I love looking up into the endless sky, the infinite view hurts my eyes. And I write kinda weirdly poetic...will come in handy later on when I continue my fanfic...since I already uploaded the first chapter on internet...and got my first review and first person putting my story in their story alerts. Gotta continue.