Hii dear blog o.o I think I may have been neglecting you a bit lately, like my fanfiction. Just not so much into writting lately lol. Needed a break maybe after sweating out 15 pages of fanfiction in Times New Roman, size 11. Soooo yea, I'm back today. I had the day off to spend with Fan after a long long while. Had some time in the nature since we went to the forest almost outside of Brat. Really looots of bugs and bugs... but also sunshine, nature and yea... NATURE! Oh my I haven't seen any park or forest in ... ok park in months for a longer while, but forest... in YEARS. A lot has been going on there lol, well... ok ya a lot. In all possible aspects. But I'll keep that outside of being written here. We also took cable cars to the top and back down... I thought I'm gonna fall out and die... erm, they really looked crappy and unstable, but they actually... ok they looked crappy but they sure were stable. Althrough not many security measures, so if you would want to suicide you could easily undo the safety stuff and jump do your demise, but erm. Yea I don't remember it being wobbly or shaky at all. I think it's been my first time on that thing, definitely outside of skying cable cars and even that was many years ago. Hmm, then we went back to the city center. (Hallelujah, the bugs...) And I had him get me not one, but two coffees! Ok my mood was swinging a bit. I wonder what I've been thinking about. Actually prolly that I realised it's been no coincidence all of what happened. I really wanted all of it. I did miss the closenes and he's the person I wanted it from. And I got it. For a moment I thought where this get's me again and if I'm not risking all of what I went through and sliding back into the old times. But hmm, I guess I can live with myself. Definitely not living in my dreamland of thinking that what happened would make us a couple again. Lol even if he would maybe want I can't imagine how much effort he would have to put into persuading me and proving that I can trust him again. Not that I wouldn't want to be with him, if he never broke up, but really I just shut up. I'm not going into this old thoughts. I can live with myself wanting that closeness. I'm no small girl anymore really. Oh I know, I think part of that mood swing was cause I thought along the lines like 'You should respect urself more than this. Having him break up and giving him exactly why he was with you in the first place.' But honestly, I iniciated it. So w/e. Was fun. Lol