And again, really just blame the vodka I have nothing better to do than blog since I can't go to sleep before that feeling that I'll throw up goes away.

Was going through my diary just a moment ago lol and found so many interesting things written in here. I note everything that's important to me. Like some things Fan said | wrote to me lol. I can just laugh about how big of lies all of this is. Let's start here.

"When you close your eyes it's like curtains going down." Yes cheesy, I still wrote it down cause I found it sweet.

"I have yet to meet someone more pretty than you." Yes, you have but you won't. End of discussion.

And last but not least, something he told me the first time I escorted him to the airport back to London. "I have never loved anyone as much as I love you." I think, I just halucinated this part, cause it's one of the biggest lies someone ever told to me, along with 'everything is gonna be fine', it just won't. Dot.

Then there is this email he wrote to me, that made me feel better at that moment and I wrote it down to my diary as well so I always have it close if the needs comes to reread it.

"Hmm I understand what you are saying, I guess it was a big mistake to tell you so much in the past, but I suppose at the time we didn't expect a relationship to start between us;;; you shouldn't keep thinking that she did more though....althrough it wasn't a far relationship, there were still a lot of problems, we had arguments quite often, and she really can't compete with you. The fact is that it wasn't such a good relationship, its old history and you are the one I love now, so there is really no reason for you to be jealous of it and make comparisons."

She did more, no she can't compare with me, I did way more for you or let's say I did everything and I'm way way prettier than her. But oh my she studied Cambridge, makes her so much more than me doesn't it. No wonder you could introduce her to your mother but not me. Go to hell both of you. Oh and I highlighter the part I liked the most before. Sweet sweet lie you asshole.

Oh and last but not least, what I found in my diary is my new years resolutions for 2010. One of them was "Be a better girlfriend to my boyfriend." And oh god I was. I was the best, I forgave you every lie, everything you did wrong to me and loved you anyway. I put up with all the strange things you liked and didn't oppose to your weird taste on some things, I learned to accept that you put your friends above me and everything. I put so much effort in surprising you with things, especially your god damned birthday, I only went through that cause seeying you happy made me happy as well. Will never find better than me -.- Good luck in that.