Good morning. Eh...didn't really help myself with taking medical leave for half a day yesterday ;;; Did sleep 5 hours in the afternoon but then at night only slept 4hours. Also kind of not like the stabbing heart pain, even if it's weak lol. ._.' But eh don't regret anything = Yesterday was the first night in a long time that was bearable, even without vodka as well. Altho I still have it next to my table for cases of emergencies. But I think I had enough with 5 days vodka in a row, little sleep, lots of coffee, little of food and lots of stress. Felt my blood pressure quite badly yesterday and now still also, so I guess...today it's no coffee for me. See how I survive that ;;;

Hmm...another day another chance, had a talk with Fan yesterday...let's see how that ends this time = I would really unlike to go back to how I felt the past week, I don't think I've ever been so miserable for that many days. But I CAN'T really go back to that week, cause I'm not accepting any more break ups. At all. But still even tho I'm not accepting the break up, still quite depressed cause I just miss him. No cam, no calls, no sms, nothing from what I was surviving on the past year for a whole week... lol maybe my psychical pain is projecting into physical pain, cause I never really had heartache without drinking lots of strong coffee and surely not 2 days in a row. That also reminds me on something he said = "It's been painfull but I thought the decision is final". Hmm...that just purely sounds like that pain lasted for that one day only = Which would be quite depressing...considering I wouldn't get over. And also didn't want to get over. It's like what I have been answering my friends, when they were telling me to forget and get over. I just can't imagine being with anyone else. And I stick to that. It's easier when you decide what you want to do. I would forever have regrets if I just gave up like that. I actually have regrets about giving up for the past week already. It's like you finaly get a chance to prove that you love that person and do want to stay with them and...you just screw it o.o' . That day I pretty much executed my own break up, cause I didn't want to make life miserable for him, but erm... it's not me really making his life miserable, also neither he or I seemed any happy.

So now I can take Mr.Teddy and the comb I always carry in my make up bag out of the box & put back into my handbag. And I can finaly listen to songs that are purely ours for me, not to mention changing my phone background to our pic. Also...I never erased the night sky photo from my monitor background...Actually, I think I change my work monitor background to it as well.

Also ... I really can't say how surprising it is to see that some people do care. Apart from colleagues also my childhood friend from 14 years ago. Lol I could cry at some things he tells me. (Good that I know that he has a gf hes happy with, or I would think that he has other ideas about me...). Possibly meeting him again tonight to talk about stuff... Since hes prolly driving to my work to pick me up cause of the heavy rain today Lol...

And just got a lollipop from my coach...interesting day today. Hmm... so... yea... oh, also... a friend of mine got chinese classes on her university and since she knows many born chinese here... and I asked, I got an insider tipp about an agency that gives chinese language classes and it's actually near my place as well...just under the castle and the registration is already now in June. And I'm actually pretty excited about it already! I remember how going to french classes was, can't wait really *-* Well... I'll pray today goes well.

Literally pray

So bbye~