Morning... Hmm... Things are slowly starting to take shape = Can't say I like the way things will be. Geez I hate waking up in the morning with that stupid feeling that I miss him, then I'm fine at work, then I get home and unless I start MSN I will get really abstinential feelings lol. I guess one year of relationship isn't as easily forgotten as my 3months long relationships... I remember that when I broke up with my last boyfriend that I wasn't feeling anything at all, except relief cause he's been really suffocating me with attention. Lol now that would be exactly the thing I want. Ok but maybe not that much that I don't even have time to make my manicure. Bleh... I don't mind how my days already are...but the mornings. Starting each day like that is more than depressing, no wonder I have been always asking him to come back with me in the mornings and then during the day calmed down and by night I was somewhere else. Hmm... sigh. I hate my life. I have to find something to occupy myself fully with. Like starting to be obsessed with anime again or fanfiction or audition... just something to get my mind off this feeling. There is really no way around starting to play audition again or watch excessive amount of animes.

Hmm that guy doesn't care at all. He's so determined to get over me and not show any sadness or anything and refusing to get back together... It just makes me feel like he didn't want to be with me to begin with, no matter how it would end with his mother. How can someone be so coldhearted eh? That he can just cut off everything from one day to another, I was calling with him more times a week, we were webcamming each evening, smsing in bed... all of it gone within one night... Sigh, I don't have the strenght to deal with this anymore... 2 weeks have been enough. Even when he himself tells me that his views of the future are that we talk less and less till not at all... Then why did he insist on staying friends. Should have deleted me and blocked me and who knows what... Then I at least would know what I'm at to begin with. Sigh... I can't anymore. Just kill me, even worse since the weather is so beautifull.... Won't go to the botanical garden anymore... also not sunbath... also won't have him come over when my parents leave to grandma... nothing. That's what I get for loving him.