Hi hi~ Hmm what's on my mind right now hmm. I'm having a coffee in my between-cleaning break. Did some laundry so far and part of kitchen. And so.. yeah. Cleaning weekend. Won't be doing it during week I believe. So hmm ... well, it's July now. Already summer break. I was wondering what I want to do about my school stuff for next year. Time I sit down and do a little research on my possibilities soon. This month would be best. Well I applied for two days of work during saturday so far, so I get 2 extra days off. Will do a bit more saturday working so I can be taking some days off when I need it for school maybe. And after all being home all day long doesn't do me good. Other people relax and I just end up being lazy to do anything and as result of that I end up being horribly bored. And then get a lot of crazy thoughts. Oh and did I tell you? This month I still have some money left lol and didn't waste it all in the first 2 weeks. But gonna waste it this week anyway, when I pay the internet bill (70euros yay,... that's what I get for being lazy to pay it each month) and I ordered a pair of beautifull silver earing with amethysts in them! They're absolutely gorgeous! They're gonna compliment my brown hair. Yes, I'm definitely dying it back. Now I just have to think over if I do it myself at home or go to my hairdresser and pay big money. She's gonna be so happy to find out I'm going to dye it right back brown lol... 120Euros gone on this blond hair. Which doesn't really...well it DOES suit me, but brown compliment's my complexion way more. Everyone said so. I think so as well. So no point putting more money into dying this blond hair. And brown is a lot more elegant. Which is what I am. A lady lol. I also thought that around this time last year I was renovating the whole house, cause Fan was supposed to visit. It was a great summer through. Just relaxing, enjoying the summer (even tho I refused to even go out into that heat last summer), I was trying out my natural given cooking skills lol... Cleaning and everything, having long walks with the dog. Was great indeed. I sort of plan on repeating it this summer as well. Simply cause it's been great last year I guess. Parent's should be leaving at 16th august, which is Monday...Hmm they could leave on 14th. Actually no idea when they leave really, they don't know themselves and so I can't organize it either. But they could leave on 14th and I would take maybe.. additional 3 days off during the week and work it back with saturdays. Wouldn't kill me, a few days off work with company. It can't be all that complicated. Just really need to stop trying manipulate things and stick to your beliefs. And accept the situation and look at the benefits of it. Have to block out the fact of how we got here. The 1 year of lies and betrayal and that it was originaly ment to be just a fling for sex. Can't change the past. Such things happen to me. I guess what he said yesterday was true. So many options none of them right, you just have to choose one that brings you the most benefits and stick to it, without regrets. And I can get benefits from keeping him around. Cutting him out of revenge doesn't really give me any benefits. But it's easier said than done, I know I will have hard times and swaying back on my decisions again. Everyone does.

Well what I was saying before. People should stick to their beliefs. Life is all about choices. You have a choice in everything. I used to be such an optimistic happy kid goddamnit. Lol...People close to me got me so damn down, it's unbelievable.