Dear blog... I feel like vomitting sigh... Yesterday as well... Not that I ate something bad or anything like that... Yesterday I just cried to the point that my throath tightened and I felt like vomitting. I don't understand, anything. Anything at all. I didn't know something can make me this sad.

Now I know what I should do, but I don't know what I want to do. I'm too scared of a new relationship, I don't love that guy. I just... consider him an option cause he's nice.

I wonder how thing's can be so similar. The situation I'm in I've been in already numerous times, but never have I been so heartbroken in it. I... really did everything. I would do anything. And yet even if all of it failed, I don't want to give up. Althrough I have been with that guy on numerous dates, I kept it friendly cause I didn't want to anyhow block my way back. I don't really want any other guy touching me to be absolutely honest...it gives me the creeps...

But I sort of got partly what I wanted... I somehow managed to make Fan talk to me again, even through I haven't lied. I really thought about giving up and starting new and wanted him to be there cause I'm scared. But the moment I said it I realised giving up hope...is the one thing I cannot do. I don't want to do. I failed and cried miserably for 2 hours. I'm not sure if it's bad or not though. I felt worried when I didn't feel the need to cry.

But I don't want to not even be able to talk to him... that's probably the priority. But... I don't want to give up. Sigh... I wan't to go back in time...